Freddy Vs Optimus Prime
by SAhfurhguer
Summary: Optimus prime and his buds are chillin' in a bar when Freddy comes in. What do they do? Is freddy really gangster? Is Kyle the Zebra really a freak in a zebra suit? Who is Kyle's Nemesis!


**THE ULTIMATE BATTLE BETWEEN FREDDY AND OPTIMUS PRIME**

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER OR THE CHARACTERS THAT APPEAR IN THIS STORYTHE SAME GOES WITH NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET SERIES, THE TRANSFORMERS SERIES, AND THE BATMAN SERIES AND THE DEATH NOTE SERIES. I DO OWN KYLE.**

"Hey hey hey!" Optimus Prime and Bumblebee were chilling at a bar with some random Blonde haired girl named Harleen Quinzel with a queens' accent (she is from batman).

"Yo, Bumblebee, gimme some money I need it I gotta buy this chick some alcohol!" Bumblebee dropped a few dollars on the table, the table compared to the large vehicles was dwarfed, in fact the whole bar was. If they stood up they would break through the roof.

"Thanks, Bee, I owe you a solid." He waved for the bartender to come over to their table, "Yo, Barkeep! Gimme some booze and some fossil fuels!" He obeyed, he came over with two containers, one was a regular glass with some cheap beer, and the other was a gallon of gas, the bright orange ones you use to fill up your lawn mower. The bartender himself was rather strange, he was a talking Zebra named Kyle that stood and walked on his hind legs. He was possessed by the spirit of inquiry as well as the same insanity that possessed the joker, but it was only triggered in times of great stress or large amount of anger was released. "Thanks man!" Optimus prime guzzled down his fossil fuels as if he were a water deprived man in the desert.

"Yo!" everyone looked up at this familiar voice near the entrance. He was the size of the average man, he looked pretty normal, he was dressed like a lot of people were dressed, a flat brimmed blue baseball cap turned sideways. On his torso he wore a white t-shirt that reached down to his knees, it had the words "respect my authoritah" with a short, fat cop picture below them. The sleeves went to his elbows. He wore baggy jeans with rips and a chain hanging on the belt loops. One his feet he wore red and black Reebok sneakers that were quite bulky, they had huge tongues and the laces were loosely ties so they were almost falling off his feet. He had his arms crossed; making sure his gloved hand was not making contact with his skin. The glove was the only thing he had left from his original guise besides his burnt skin; he probably still had all the maggots for blood though. Freddy Kreuger was almost not the man he used to be.

"Freddy, my main nightmare man," Optimus Prime said, his voice was friendly, intentionally because Freddy was a good friend, "What's up?"

"Don't give me that crap, you dumbass bucket of NO nuts! You took my bitch!"

"The hell you talkin' 'bout, yo!"

"Don't act stupider than you already are, that my girl right there!"He pointed to Harley Quinn and she raised her hands in defense.

"Actually I ain't none of you guys' girl, I belong to the one and only Mista J!" She pulled out her wallet to show us a picture, The picture was of a guy, dressed much like Freddy except with green hair, white face paint and his jeans were yellow, his shirt orange and his hat was a blue-green color. On his lips he wore red face paint and his eyes he had black. He looked similar to the joker on a card in a deck of fifty-two but more gangster. The Picture had a note on it, 'Harley's My ho, ya'll keep yo' gangster shit hands offa her an' I'll be back once I get mahself out of dis' here loony bin cuz dah Batty Bitch been puttin' me in here an' stuff. Ya'll touch my ho an' ima git out an' mess you up BITCHEZZZZ, Peace, Mista J 3'

Freddy pulled out a ninja sword from a magical leprechaun cache of weapons in which is magical and sparkly… AND MAGICAL! He turned into a ninja Jedi crossbreed with the force and a ninja sword shaped lightsaber (colored red).

Optimus Prime pulled out a black and red Demon scythe, "Are you ready Soul?"

"What? Where the hell is Maka? I don't even know how I got here!" Optimus prime didn't wait for Soul's answer; He swiped at Freddy with the Scythe and Freddy went in slow motion, banding back like Neo or Morpheus, even Naomi from the Matrix. He watched the blade sweep over his face. Freddy straightened and stuck up his middle claw at Optimus.

Such a small gesture enraged him and from red and blue, Optimus turned green and purple like the hulk. "Optimus smash!" The large green and purple robot thing took hold of the bar table, he smashed it where Freddy used to be. He soon found that Freddy was crawling on the ceiling. Freddy did that whole spider-man thing with his hand and just like Spidey, a web came out.

"Whoohoo!" Freddy swung and kicked Optimus Prime in the face. Optimus Prime fell on his butt.

"AAAH MY FACE MY BEAUTIFUL FACE YOU'VE CONTAMINATED IT WITH YOUR HIDEOUSNESS!" Optimus had his face in both of his 'hands' and he was crying tears made of oil.

During this commotion nobody had noticed a small-ish figure come through the door. "FOOLS!" The small, white colored creature with rabbit feet and a rather long snout pointed his white cane at them. He had a white-top hat and his suit and what looked like a shawl were all either light gray or white. He hopped up onto a table and started to speak, "Provision number four-hundred-fifty-two, You all must participate in Excalibur's five hour story telling."

Kyle, the zebra bartender fell to his knees, "No! I told myself I shall rue the day I met Excalibur on the day I met Excalibur and here I am ruing it, ruing it like a Thick-headed measle! I shall get my revenge on you Excalibur!" Kyle rose to his hind legs, and then let out the most blood curdling scream, "YOU ARE AN ALIEN BUNNY RABBIT!" Kyle then stuck his tongue out at Excalibur.

"Are you looking for a fight?" Excalibur replied with a question.

"Why yes I a-."

"Fool!" Excalibur's cane was in Kyle's face, "My legend begins in the twelfth century you see, as I begin my days with a cup of coffee with cream… Because _nothing_ beats a good cup of tea." He held his cane in his 'hands' setting the bottom on the floor. "You see my hat? Only the tallest of hats are the finest. My hat is a top-quality, British- made sushi-roll, that's why it is so great." He continued to speak, "Here," he pulled out his wallet and a picture inside showed three children with tall different colored hats with propellers on the top. All of the children looked exactly like Excalibur, he was in the picture as was a smoking hot lady.

"What?" Freddy took the picture, "who is that lady?"

"My wife and those are our three children," he turned a little, a tear running down his face, "they were a wonderful family. Provision number two-hundred-seventy-eight, you must never permit carrots in my meals and provision number three-hundred-forty-nine: never violate my food preferences." A mosquito buzzed in the air, clearly audible because the entire bar was dead silent, Excalibur whispered to the mosquito faintly, "fool." He lifted his cane up off of the ground, pointing it towards Freddy and Optimus prime, "Provision number seventy-five, you must celebrate Excalibur's birthday in a grand manner, you will do this three-hundred and sixty-five days a year, as every day is Excalibur's birthday."

"What, that's st—." Optimus prime was about to insult Excalibur's seventy-fifth provision but Excalibur interrupted him.

"Fool! Most of you have been well behaved, I've decided to reward you with a song:

_Excalibur! Excalibur!_

_From the United Kingdom,_

_I'll be waiting here for him,_

_I'm going to California!_

_Excalibur! Excalibur!_

_From the United Kingdom…"_

Optimus prime got sick of Excalibur's song and broke through the ceiling, leaving with Bumblebee. Freddy got irritated so he left to go kill some stupid teen in her dreams because, that's his hobby; sure it's more of a rapist habit but still.

"Excalibur!" Everyone, including the Holy Sword turned to see Light Yagami and L come through the crowd. Light Yagami was the speaker, "Shut up!"

"Fool!"

Light furiously took out a black notebook, all the while mumbling something about "Kira's judgment shall punish you." He scribbled something down on its pages and forty seconds later he broke down crying, angry sobs escaping his chest, "WHY IS IT NOT WORKING? KIRA SHALL ONE DAY RULE AND HE CANNOT EVEN KILL THIS INSOLENT…" He struggling to find an insult but all he found was "AAAAAUUGGGH!"

L's eyes widened, "Light, now the chances of you being Kira have risen… to six percent…. SIX FREAKIN' PERCENT! Where's my candy!" L dug in his pocket, only to find wrappers, he fell to his knees, "My… life… is… OVER! Watari! Where are my chocolate bars!" He sunk down into his usual sitting position, sucking his thumb. An old man came in, throwing a chocolate bar in L's direction, it bounced off of L's head. L didn't care; her lunged for it and gobbled it down, "there, now I shall live for about half-an-hour." He patted his stomach and stood, hands in his pockets. He had basketball shoes on his feet instead of bare feet. They looked like he was not used to them yet.

Excalibur, being an unusual type of being can see Ryuk as well as Rem, Rem was in the back of the room with Misa who was running towards the front, she was frequently screaming, "Lighto! Lighto! Misa Misa will kiss you and make it all better!"

"Hey," Ryuk said to Excalibur, "Why didn't it kill you?"

Rem answered his question, "That's the Holy sword, he can't be killed."

"Oh," Ryuk turned around to walk through the crowd, "Hey Rem, let's get some apples."

"Kay." Rem followed him out the door.

As you can see, it was not Freddy nor was it Optimus prime who won. It was Excalibur because Excalibur bears the tophat of awesome that can only be worn by Excalibur to be the Top-hat of awesome. If anyone else wore it it would not be awesome. Excalibur pwns all.


End file.
